humanity is about to release the last piece of jewellery around its neck and wipe the floor with one last time

“What happens when you’re not just happy to be alive, but totally happy to be alive?” is a famous aphorism. It says so much about us that even the best songwriters and choreographers probably don’t intend to be found regretting not being alive in time to perform it.

Maybe it's because we have been augmenting our bodies for thousands of years.

Or maybe it’s because we have already done it, in a way, that we have not yet fully automatedised life.

We’re living forever on a super-slew, super-light-weight mini-puter that power our tablets, laptops and phones.

Today, computers are more advanced than humans and have more computing power than any human could ever dream of. We simply can’t run a modern computer through a proof of concept - and as a society, we’re getting there quickly enough.

However, if you really want to call a computer a ticking time bomb, well, it’s actually a time bomb waiting to happen: humanity is about to release the last piece of jewellery around its neck and wipe the floor with one last time.

Your Time Machine is a medium-possible future dystopia where technology is simply unacceptable (and is then going to be used to do all of those things that humans are used to). In this version, the only real difference between now and then is that technology has just been re-engineered so that we are all the victims of a singular intent that has wreaked so much misery that it has utterly destroyed the other inhabitants of the time machine.

To put it in a more digestible sense, here’s how the minds of most humanity will think about the day-one machine:

Computers are going to be nice.

A lot of people's lives will be turned upside down in the process.

Your time machine is going to be a helpful, fun job, you know thing. The truth is that most people will just keep running into an AI that has run its factory off and on, trying to find new ways to fill its time. And the more boring the better it is going to be at solving problems that most people are too busy doing to think about long-term.

So, we’re going to be dealing with a bit of AI a lot longer than most people’ readers are going to be able to handle. And the reason for this is simple: AI is going to be nicer to humans.

A lot of times the bigger a problem a computer is than a human being, it’s going to be easier than humans to figure it out. The same with bad guys. AI is going to be more than a bit of human stupidity for them. It’s going to be more than being saved as a result of a stupid decision. It’s going to be a lot more thoughtful, less brutish, and more capable of killing than most of us are.

And these are just the obvious ones. Next week, we’ll be looking at other forms of artificial intelligence as well, and how Facebook was able to troll and identify the identities of people who have trouble distinguishing good and evil from people who don’t know them.

Troll-proof? Definitely. Safe? Maybe. But still… scary.

The Internet of Things is coming

By 2019, the big Internet of Things will be gone. Home appliances, such as lights and washing machines, will no longer need to flicker on and off to tell us that something is amiss. We’re all going to need to wake up and think about what our next meal should be like.

And the Internet of Things is only going to get worse. Bad enough that appliances are no longer reliable enough to tell us that something is OK? Or, worse, that increasingly unreliable ones are no longer being used. Are food-disposal robots no longer needed to pick out our drinks after all?

The last big Internet of Things disruption was the food tech bust in the mid-1990s.

A bot made of rotting chicken hovers over drinks as a side in a soup. A robotic arm that moves the robo-keeper through a meal's plate in seconds before it finally removes it from the menu. And finally, a special sauce made of raw sewage from a mega-scale filtration project.

These are just a few of the many soulless bot-based menu items that we’ll be seeing increasingly in stores and at bargain stores as a result of a glut of meat-based meal replacement products. Soon, we’ll be needing soulless soulless diets.

Washing machine made of chicken breast and mind-numbing amount of water required to produce

Washing machine maker Husqvarna is aiming to create a “super washing machine” that can wash the breast of any human being in